The Wide World of Socially Distanced Sports

Tennis-Icon Ping-Pong: If I wanted to see Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras play tennis right now, plenty of classic matches are available for viewing. So what I’d rather see, if they’re up for it, is a table-tennis match. A regulation table is nine feet long––enough for social distancing! Of course, this lends itself to a whole tournament of rivals. And I’d round out the first group with Boris Becker playing Stefan Edberg, Jimmy Connors against John McEnroe, Chris Evert taking on Martina Navratilova, and Monica Seles battling Steffi Graf.

Balls and Strikes: Bob Costas should host this series, in which he could curate memorable at-bats in Major League history and convene the pitcher and hitter via Zoom to discuss what they were thinking, pitch by pitch, as they rewatch old footage. Episode 1 would feature Kirk Gibson and Dennis Eckersley.

Joe’s Best Friend: In this 12-episode reality show, Joe Montana gets a dog, trains it to catch a frisbee, and squares off in an NFL stadium against a series of other retired quarterbacks, who compete to see if they can best him at throwing the frisbee to a shaggy-haired receiver. Pass protection would be handled by a rotating cast of guest athletes chosen by Deion Sanders, who could join Jerry Rice doing commentary. In keeping with my Gen X generational bias, I’d suggest John Elway for the first episode.

eFight Club: This foray into e-sports would feature Joe Rogan doing color commentary as Mike Tyson plays a series of celebrity guests at their choice of Street Fighter II or Mortal Kombat. Early appearances via satellite would include Ronda Rousey, Chuck Norris, Laila Ali, Sylvester Stallone, Evander Holyfield, Sarah Silverman, Ralph Macchio, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Seth Rogen.

Send your own programming ideas to conor@theatlantic.com if you’d like to share.

Conor Friedersdorf is a California-based staff writer at The Atlantic, where he focuses on politics and national affairs. He is the founding editor of The Best of Journalism, a newsletter devoted to exceptional nonfiction.