I’ve Been Secret Friends With My Son’s Ex for 30 Years

Karen: They maintained that relationship into their freshman year of college, but then they broke up.

Alison: Off and on, [the relationship] was about five years.

Karen: Alison and I drove him from Portland, Oregon, to Minnesota [for college]. And then we drove back. That’s a long time to be in the same car. Where did we stop, Alison? At that bubbly place. At one of those national parks.

Alison: Yellowstone.

Karen: We have shared many, many adventures.

Beck: Alison, what happened when you and Kelly broke up? In terms of both your relationship with Kelly and with Karen?

Alison: I probably hung out with Karen the next day. It never crossed my mind that ending the relationship with him would end the relationship with her. It actually might’ve made it stronger.

Read: The evolution of the desire to stay friends with your ex

Karen: I have to say that we never really revealed to my son that we’re still friends.

Beck: To this day?

Karen: He has no clue. Not even now.

He can be a jerk. So, I was afraid, honestly. It just evolved over the years, and I have never gotten around to telling him that Alison and I are best of friends.

Alison: When my kids were little, I would give Karen their artwork. And Karen would have to go around the house hiding all of that if Kelly was coming over.

Karen: I wish I could just let it all out. He probably would be fine with it now.

Beck: This has been going on for how long now?

Alison: I’d say about 36 or 37 years.

Beck: Does your son not live in the area? How does he not know?

Karen: I don’t see Kelly very much at all. He does live about three miles from Alison.

Alison: Karen and I would go and have dinner together. She would come to our house, or I would go to her house. We golf a lot together, and Kelly doesn’t golf. There aren’t many times that we would ever run into Kelly together.

Karen: I always worry, when I finally die, that Kelly and Alison will come to my funeral and see each other. That’s going to be a trip.

Beck: If he Googles you, he might find this article.

Karen: It’s unlikely that he will, but that’s alright. That’d be a good way to find out.

Alison: Karen, I have to say—he’s seen pictures of you and I on Facebook. I would be surprised if he didn’t know we were friends. I think he’s gotten over it.

Beck: Was there a turning point for your friendship? When it went beyond being friendly with your ex’s mom to being truly best friends?  

Alison: Kelly and I broke up probably in 1990. I graduated college and met my husband in ’92, and then had our daughter in ’96. Karen was in the delivery room. My parents were there, and she was there. At that point, I was like, “Okay, she’s something pretty special in my life.” I lost the feeling that it was because of Kelly that we got together. And I decided to have our daughter’s middle name be after Karen.