How Joe Biden’s $2,000 Stimulus Promise Turned Into $1,400 Overnight

Damnit, Joe. Not like this.

Joe Biden hasn’t even taken office and he’s already pulling some fuckshit. On Thursday, Biden unveiled his proposal for a relief package that would cost some $1.9 trillion to help the struggling economy during the coronavirus pandemic.

But it appears that Biden forgot about the $2,000 he promised Americans and now that the fine print is legible, it looks like Americans are only looking at $1,400. Apparently, Biden intended for Americans to count the measly $600 that was passed in December with the $1,400 he’s looking to get approved once in office, and as many math scholars pointed out on Twitter, when you take $1,400 and add that with $600 you get $2,000. Fuck these mathholes and fuck maths.

This is not what Biden said when he needed Georgians to come out strong to elect Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff to the Senate. Hell, both men campaigned on the promise of $2,000. Biden made repeated statements that once Congress was under Democratic rule, the checks would be out the door and now, like a shady car salesman, it seems that the money was attached to the money we got in December and what Biden really meant was he’d send out a “total” of $2,000 and that’s just fucked up.

It’s disingenuous for Biden to have claimed repeatedly that once he’s in office and Democrats control Congress that $2,000 checks would go out immediately only to then claim that the $1,400 checks are on the way.

But the real fuckshit here isn’t just that Biden is playing three-card-monte with America’s bread, it’s that he’s already trying to be “Bipartisan Biden” with Republicans who just danced all over our goddamn 50-yard line. The proposal that Biden just pitched is coming in under $2 trillion, a number that may be comfortable enough for Republicans, who have all of sudden remembered that they are supposed to be the fiscally conservative party after they lined the pockets of their rich cronies in the first coronavirus aid bill. For some reason, Biden still believes that it’s possible to play nice with these people, most of whom haven’t even strongly condemned a fucking coup attempt by Trump supporters.

We didn’t make up $2,000 checks; we were told that $2,000 checks would be mailed out as soon as possible. And now that Stacey Abrams and other Black women did all the heavy lifting to ensure that Georgia turned blue and the president-elect no longer needs us, we’re being told that $1,400 checks will be on the way.

Maybe this is all our own fault. Maybe we shouldn’t have believed that Biden would be any different than he’s always been. He is a politician, and this, this bait and switch, is typical politician bullshit. Everyone voted for Biden because we had to get the antichrist out of office but it may be foolish on our part to think that we voted for drastic change. If Trump is $2,000 then Biden is $1,400; not as much as promised but not that far off, either.