White People Don't Make No Sense

This headline is grammatically correct.

In African American Vernacular English, “no” is a determiner equivalent to the thermodynamic concept of absolute zero. It is the amount of “mess” that James Brown’s papa was willing to take. It describes how much of a joke Rakim considered himself to be. In 1994, researcher Rock Master Scott, in conjunction with the Dynamic Three, concluded that “no” was the exact volume of water needed when the roof was on fire and partygoers collectively decided to let the motherfucker burn.

And white people don’t make no sense.

Every now and then, someone like Tucker Carlson or Candace Owens will attempt to justify the nonsensical nature of whiteness, but I have yet to hear a cogent argument for not wearing a mask during a pandemic. After hours of Googling, I still cannot understand the animosity against Meghan Markle. I will occasionally watch Fox News just to see if one of its hosts offers a single shred of evidence to explain why millions of white people continue to believe there was voter fraud in the 2020 election. They use words and speak in complete sentences, but their arguments are bereft of logic and easily dismantled by anyone with an ounce of critical thinking skills.

I understand why we try to make it make sense. Our survival depends on counterbalancing the menacing effects of white supremacy. But, far too often, Black America exasperates itself attempting to inject doses of reason and truth into this country’s veins when we would be better served admitting that some viruses are incurable.

Take the whitelash against “cancel culture” and in support of Dr. Seuss, for instance. Most Americans support the concept of freedom of speech. I don’t know if anyone has ever ranked the additions to the Constitution, but I would bet that the First Amendment is one of the top five amendments of all time. Even if we ignored the fact that it was Dr. Seuss Enterprises that discontinued the printing of his racist material, I would bet that most people oppose banning books. In fact, it seems perfectly reasonable to protest an instance of censorship by publicly reading a banned book, no matter how odious the material. But staging a free speech demonstration by choosing a book that wasn’t banned would be a ridiculous act of performative stupidity.

Please make this make sense.

This is a United States congressman reading a book that no one has asked to be banned.

Look, I don’t claim to know everything. I still can’t quite comprehend how gravity works, but I’m sure there is a theoretical physicist who knows. I don’t understand why people intentionally make cakes with carrots in them or why watching TikTok videos of lip-syncing amuses some people, but people seem to enjoy it.

And then there are things for which a logical answer does not exist. Ever since the Affordable Care Act passed over a decade ago, Republicans have opposed every healthcare plan. At this point, only an overly naive idiot would believe the repeated assertions that the GOP’s answer to Obamacare is almost ready to be unveiled. It would also be crazy to believe that their obstinance is based on fiscal conservatism. When combined with the Trump administration’s war on the CDC, their refusal to believe in climate change and Republican-controlled states’ refusal to mitigate the spread of the coronavirus, one can only conclude that the goal of the anti-mask, pro-virus party is to kill as many citizens as humanly possible. The only way to make sense of their policies is to acknowledge that their actions are devoid of logic or rationale.

They literally don’t make sense.

If they didn’t want to murder their constituents, they would have voted for a COVID-19 bill. If they were truly pro-life, they would oppose the death penalty. If they believed in law and order, they might consider making police officers follow the law. If they believed in the mythical “bootstrap” argument, they would reward hard work and education by supporting union organizers, funding schools and paying people a living wage.

Some Black people will get mad at me for revealing this secret, but the reason you rarely see the phrase “some white people” is because white people have a habit of excluding themselves from criticism. They immediately produce a get-out-of-racism-free card by conjuring a Black nephew-in-law or pointing at the work they performed in inner-city schools as soon as they read the words “some white people.” And, because Black people do not receive an updated roster of Team White People every morning, “white people” is the more accurate way to describe most white people.

It’s not just conservatives (although it’s mostly them); it’s white people.

And it’s only white people.

Unlike every other ethnic or racial demographic in America, most white voters wanted an immoral, corrupt liar to lead their country while most white people consider themselves to be Christian. Most white people believe people should be paid for their work—except when it comes to reparations. White people are the only demographic that doesn’t believe George Floyd’s death was murder—even among those who saw the video. It’s not just conservatives who call the police when they see Black people roaming around their neighborhoods; it’s white people. Perhaps it’s because most white people don’t believe police officers treat Black people unfairly. Again, they are the only demographic who feels this way.

Anyone who thinks a well-crafted argument can insulate Black people from the insanity of racism is seriously misguided. Racists don’t respond to logic. White supremacy is immune to facts. Truth doesn’t matter, nor does common sense, reason, data, research, numbers, vote counts, courts, laws, media reports, nor does high-definition video.

…If that makes any sense.

It doesn’t.