The Sacramento Kings Just Made History for All the Wrong Reasons

You ever had that friend that just can’t get right?

They meet the perfect girl and fuck it all up? Or get fired from their job for the stupidest reason? That’s the Sacramento Kings.

In a past life, they were the creme of the crop. But with Chris Webber, Peja Stojaković, and Mike Bibby no longer in the fold, they’ve become the rancid mildew you can’t reach in the back of your refrigerator.

The commander of this capsized ship is none other than Luke Walton, whose coaching prowess ineptitude was on full display Wednesday night after the Kings got their asses whooped by 49 points—the largest margin of victory in franchise history, per ESPN.

Typically, blowouts are inevitable. Much like an Alicia Keys high note, sometimes it just ain’t your night. Shots aren’t falling, you’re short-staffed, it’s the second night of a back-to-back, your coach is a fucking imbecile, etc. But what makes the Kings’ blowout against the Jazz particularly appalling is the fact that All-Stars Mike Conley (hamstring) and Donovan Mitchell (ankle) didn’t even touch the floor.

To be fair, Kings guard De’Aaron Fox (COVID-19 health and safety protocols) missed the game too, but fuck that. Sacramento still shouldn’t have gotten obliterated by 49 damn points.

“It got bad quickly there after the first quarter,” Walton told reporters after the game. “That is an elite championship-contending team coming off a couple tough losses and they took it out on us. At times, it felt like grown men having their way out on the court.”

That’s one way to put it.

Another, as plenty of people took the time to point out on Twitter, is that it’s clear that Walton isn’t the man for the job and Sacramento can’t rid of his ass soon enough.

You hate to see it.

While it’s clear the Jazz aren’t easing up on the gas as they prepare for a lengthy playoff run, it’s looking like the Kings have already thrown in the towel on the season.