WTF?: Kansas Lawmaker Allegedly Kneed Student Groin, Asked Students About 'Making Babies,' Their Masturbation Habits and More

I don’t know why I honestly thought that the wildest story I would ever hear regarding a Republican lawmaker from Kansas was the one where Kansas state Senate Majority Leader Gene Suellentrop led a police officer on a high-speed chase while driving drunk on the wrong side of an interstate and called the cop who stopped him a “donut boy” before challenging him to a fight. Well, another legislator from the state might as well have just sent me a text that reads: “Bro, hold the fuck out of my beer!”

Meet Kansas state Rep. Mark Samsel (R). Samsel was arrested Thursday and charged with misdemeanor battery after school officials in Wellsville, Kan., reported that, while working as a substitute teacher in the Wellsville School District, he allegedly kneed a high school student in the groin. Somehow, this is not the weirdest and most fucked up part of this story.

The Washington Post reports that in a series of videos that have not been released publicly but have been reviewed by law enforcement and various news outlets, Samsel can be seen and heard asking students about their sex lives, masturbation habits and a bunch of other weird and creepy-ass shit that teachers have no business speaking to minors about.

From the Post:

“Make babies! Who likes makin’ babies?” a male voice asks enthusiastically in one brief clip as a girl films her reaction. The video, which appears to have been posted to Snapchat, is captioned, “i literally hate it here” and “mark is being so gross.” The speakers are off-camera.

“You haven’t masturbated?” the male voice asks, and the girl’s eyes widen. “Don’t answer that question,” he quickly adds.

“I’m not going to answer that question … ” someone answers.

“Thank you,” the man responds. “I told you not to. … God already knows it.”

Bru…What. The. Fuck???

Once again: THIS IS SOMEHOW NOT THE WORST PART OF THIS STORY!

As for the student he’s accused of kicking in the groin, The Kansas City Star reports that the whole thing started when the student challenged whatever fucked up white nonsense Samsel was spewing which allegedly led him to push the teen and threaten him with the “rath of God.”

“You’re about ready to anger me and get the wrath of God. Do you believe me when I tell you that God has been speaking to me?” he reportedly said before pushing the teen who then ran to the other side of the room. “You should run and scream.”

Samsel is also seen on camera standing over the student—reportedly after kneeing him in the groin—and asking him, “did that hurt?” He is also heard asking another student, “Do you want to check his nuts for him, please?” and giving other students “permission to kick him in the balls.”

In an interview with TV station KSNT, Samsel claimed that the whole thing was “planned” and that there was “no altercation,” while acknowledging that some students may have “perceived it as one.”

“Nobody was ever in danger,” he told the station. “Did we make it look like we were in anger or outrageous or hurting kids? Yeah, we did.”

But WHYYYYYY THOUGH???

Actually don’t answer that—because you’re full of shit.

Even if him kneeing a teenager in the genital area was a staged attempt at perverse-as-fuck sketch comedy or some shit, what the hell kind of “educator” would think something like that was appropriate?

Also, somehow, there’s more.

According to the Star, Samsel horrified students with an anecdote about “a sophomore who’s tried killing himself three times,” saying that it was because “he has two parents and they’re both females.”

“He’s a foster kid. His alternatives in life were having no parents or foster care parents who are gay,” he continued. “How do you think I’m going to feel if he commits suicide? Awful.”

In a Snapchat post, he claimed that this too was part of his creep-tastic-ass plan.

“It was all planned,” he said, the Star reports. “Every little bit of it. That’s right. The kids and I planned ALL this to SEND A MESSAGE about art, mental health, teenage suicide, how we treat our educators and one another. To who? Parents. And grandparents. And all of Wellsville.”

Mind you, among legislation that Samsel recently sponsored—and I’m sorry, I really need to check my notes on this one—is a bill to increase the penalties for stalking a minor and a bill aimed at creating a Kansas youth advisory council. According to the Post, he voted against a bill to end the protection of spouses in sexual battery complaints involving their significant others. (Now, that I believe.)

Anyway, Samsel has been released from jail on a $1,000 bond. Wellsville Unified School District Superintendent Ryan Bradbury didn’t call Samsel out by name, but he confirmed to the Post that a student reported “an incident involving a substitute teacher to our staff” on Wednesday, that an “investigation began immediately” and that the teacher “will not be returning.”

But apparently, Samsel has returned to a position that allows him to propose and vote on fucking laws and shit.

“I dread going to work at the [Kansas Capitol] every single day,” he told The Post Saturday.

Yeah—I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that students dread the very idea of you returning to the classroom much, much more.