The Friend COVID-19 Took From Me

She met Freddy in her third year of high school. Her parents were not for it, because Freddy was older, and they thought she was too young to attach herself. So when she graduated from high school, they made her travel for several months. Freddy was quite despondent; I felt like I was babysitting him. But it made for an even deeper friendship with Baby, because I became good friends with her eventual husband.

Beck: When did your friendship shift to being long distance?

Mary-Ann: I left the Philippines in 1984, when I was 25.

Beck: How did you keep in touch?

Mary-Ann: Email, letters, cards. When the cell phone came about, calling became easier. We used to buy phone cards. When she had a baby, she’d bring her baby to see my mom. Then, of course, my mother will call me: “I just saw Baby’s newborn. When are you going to have a kid?”

Also, by the time [my husband and I] moved to California, we were going to Manila at least once a year, maybe more. Over about the last 15 years, they would also come through the U.S. at least once a year, because Freddy developed lymphoma. He went into remission, but most years he would go for his big checkup at Sloan Kettering [in New York]. [On the way,] they would fly to San Francisco and spend a few days with us.

Beck: I know that Baby got sick pretty early on in the pandemic, but did you ever have a conversation with her about the pandemic and how it was changing our lives in those early days?

Mary-Ann: There was a conversation before Baby got sick, because one of our other high-school classmates’ husband got sick and died early in March. Then our classmate died a week later. I was thinking, Holy cow, this thing that’s coming upon us.

Beck: You mentioned some texts, but were you able to talk with Baby at all while she was sick?

Mary-Ann: No. I tried calling her, but she wasn’t answering. But she was still sending text messages. The last conversation we had was about [our classmate] who had COVID-19 and was dying.

She likes to dress me; I don’t know why. Back in February [before I canceled my trip to Manila] she started sending photos over text: “These are the dresses that I asked some friend who owns a boutique [to put on hold] that I think you should try on because I think they’d look good on you.” I feel bad because I said, “Baby, I’m trying not to buy clothes. I don’t want to have more than I need.” But I think she takes such pleasure from dressing me. Maybe because she can’t dress her daughters anymore. Sometimes I still can’t believe she’s gone.

Read: Notes from a videochat memorial

Beck: Were you able to have a funeral? A digital one at least?

Mary-Ann: Yeah; it was a Zoom attended by hundreds of people. They had a picture of the urn with her photo beside it and flowers. The other people who paid tribute to her talked more about [her professional life]. My eulogy was about my memories of her. Once, she told me, “I can be my old self, like when we were kids,” when we were together.