This Just In: The 'Omarion Variant' Has 'Touch'ed Down in the U.S. and of Course, Black Twitter Has All the Jokes

I love my people.

By “my people,” I mean Black people.

Why? Because as someone once put it: “The world could be ending and Black people will still be on Twitter cracking jokes through it all.”

And that’s the God’s honest truth, if there ever was one.

How do I know this? Well, dear reader, a casual scroll across Twitter will show you sign after sign that we’re living in the last of the last days. A casual stroll through the streets of Black Twitter on any given day, however, will also show that no matter the travesty, we’re still gonna get these jokes off.

Take, for instance, this latest news of the recently discovered COVID variant: Omicron.

Now, of course, when the world heard we had yet ANOTHER variant to be mindful of, they threw themselves into an arguably justifiable panic. My people, on the other hand, decided to take a completely different (but par for the course) approach and collectively renamed the new variant after one of the most unbothered kings this world has ever seen: B2K frontman and Grammy-nominated singer, dancer and actor Omarion.

You see, it’s not that Omicron is some insanely difficult word to pronounce. It’s not. But it’s just that “Omarion” sounds way better and goes down whole lot smoother. I mean, think about it: would you rather have this intimidating-ass, Transformers-sounding, Avengers villain reject-sounding name for this new variant? Or would you rather the calm, cool, and collected vibe of this beautifully melanated brotha’s name?

For me, and the rest of Black Twitter, the choice is obvious:

“Black ppl deciding the Omicron variant is the Omarion variant is the Blackest sh*t this year to date,” one user wrote online.

“The fact that y’all just started calling that variant the Omarion variant lmao, Black people gon make jokes til the very end,” wrote another.

And she’s right. You have to admit, the visual of a variant passionately pop-lockin’ down the street like it’s 2005 should be enough to make you wanna “bump, bump, bump” your shoulders just a little bit. (And by “bump, bump, bump” we mean get the vaccine shot in your shoulder. Like, go get the shot. Deadass. Quit playin’.)

And besides, unlike the first time COVID spread, we don’t have to wait months and months for a remedy for the Omarion variant. Thanks to TikTok, we were already exposed to the number one way to shirk the spread: by participating in the #OmarionChallenge:

And what’s even better? The “Touch” singer himself is even with the shits and isn’t in the least bit bothered about being the face (and moves) of this new strain.

“There is nothing more healing than music or a good laugh. I’m thankful to be able to give people both…From the omarion dance challenge to bein superimposed on the new variant, The internet is forever undefeated. While we laugh, stay safe and stay healthy,” Omarion wrote.

Jokes aside though: we all are BEYOND ready to pop-lock out of this pandemic. So remember to keep washing your hands, socially distance when you can, wear your mask, and above all: GO GET THE VACCINE AND/OR THE BOOSTER BEFORE YOU HAVE AN ICEBOX WHERE YOUR HEART USED TO BE, DAMMIT.!