What a Simple Haiku Can Do for a Friendship

Judy: Yeah. You get in the mode. If I’m out for a walk or a hike and I see things, I start thinking in haikus. Lisa does it too. We might send three in a day as opposed to just one.

Beck: Could you read me the ones you wrote today?

Judy: Mine was:

What is that I hear?

Sounds like water on the roof

And the plants singing.

We’re both gardeners. We both love plants.

This is Lisa’s. They’re so similar today, but we didn’t see each other’s before we sent them.

The earth is still pleased,

Steady rain all day and night,

Much needed moisture.

Symbolizing hope.

The brilliant orange tree,

Shines brightly for us.

—Lisa

Beck: A lot of the conversations I’ve been having during the pandemic for The Friendship Files have been about different rituals that people have come up with to keep in touch. Because now it’s a lot harder to let the friendship naturally happen. With the haiku project, but also more broadly, have you found that the structure of your relationships with people you don’t live with has required a bit more planning?

Lisa: For me there is more planning, and it has to do with outdoor activities. Planning to take a walk with someone you normally wouldn’t take a walk with, or playing tennis.

Judy: My focus in life has been more day to day. I can’t plan a vacation. I can’t look ahead. I can’t plan anything at all in the future. There’s today, tomorrow, and that’s about all.

Beck: Do you think that lends itself to the haikus? That you’re paying more attention to the present moment?

Judy: Definitely. If I’m looking at a flower or a tree, I get so absorbed in it just for that moment. The haikus helped me to focus on that, as opposed to just, Oh, that’s pretty. Or not even seeing it.

Lisa: My husband and I, and one of our sons who’s at home with us, we’re taking an online course at Yale about happiness. One of the points they made was that if you want to feel more content, you need to savor things.

The instructor gave the example of taking a photo of what you’re studying. Previously I might have thought, You should really just look at the thing and forget about your phone. But during this haiku project, I really did love taking photos, considering what I was looking at, and then writing the haiku. It was a great way to start my day.

Bright pink peonies,

Verdant greens and birch tree whites.

This morning’s delight.

—Lisa

Beck: Do you usually send them in the morning?

Lisa: Almost always in the morning.

Judy: Mine come at various times during the day.

Lisa: I have a routine. It’s getting my first cup of coffee, grabbing my little dog—who’s a great loyal companion—and going out onto my property, and we roam around. I have a lot of gardens, and we live in the woods. It’s a very, very peaceful, quiet place. And I find something [to write a haiku about]. Sometimes it’s hard to choose, because there are a lot of great things to look at.