What 'Defund' in 'Defund the Police' Actually Means, Explained

What a year, huh?

Yeah, 2020 has been a monster.

Forget 2020. I mean just from Sunday to Wednesday.

You’re right. Each week has been a year. Each month a decade. The Popeyes chicken sandwich craze feels like it happened when I was 4 years old.

So one recurring theme of the uprising is a complete reevaluation of American law enforcement. And “defund the police” has become the synopsizing and galvanizing demand. Can you explain what that means?

Sure!

So “defund” really means “reappropriate,” right?

Um, no.

Reassess?

Nah.

Reform?

Nope.

Reevaluate?

Negative.

I got it. Reconfigure?

You don’t.

Revise?

Nay.

Remodel.

Naught.

Revolutionize?

Not.

Reconstitute?

………….

Redeem?

You’re not even trying now.

Revamp?

I think you just like to hear yourself talk.

Refashion?

Or maybe you downloaded a thesaurus app.

Ameliorate?

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Rehabilitate?

I had bacon and eggs and gluten-free toast from this black-owned bakery in Pittsburgh. Gluten-free stuff usually tastes like the memory of something someone else ate, but this is actually pretty good.

Reintegrate?

I can save you some if you want, but let me know soon before I eat it all.

Renew?

So, no? Okay, fine. More for me.

Reclaim?

Did you watch I May Destroy You yet?

Recover?

It debuted after Insecure, and I’ve never seen anything like it.

Reinstate?

I never got around to watching Chewing Gum, but Michaela Coel is so gifted. My God. I think I have to watch that now, too.

Reinvest?

But yeah, if you’re looking for something new to watch, check that out.

Readjust?

I bought some jump ropes the other day.

Destabilize?

I forgot how effective a workout that can be.

Diminish?

I’ve been doing 10 sets of 100 jumps. Once in the afternoon, and once in the evening.

Decrease?

I even filmed myself doing a set last week.

Dwindle?

I have no idea why. But if you want to see it, I can send it.

Depreciate?

I have to warn you, though: It’s literally just a minute of me jumping rope, and you can only see me from the chest up. Of all the senseless videos I have in my phone, this is the senselessest.

Deflate?

“Senselessest” is a really fun word to say. It feels like my mouth is using a bidet.

Devalue?

You know what’s the least fun word to say? “Moist.”

Defund?

I also don’t like saying “charcuterie,” because it feels like a fake word.

Exhaust?

Like it was invented by T.I.

Depress?

I’d pay $7 to listen to T.I. read an audiobook about charcuterie. Maybe even $9

Collapse?

Actually wait…can you go back a bit?

Exhaust?

No! Before that.

Defund?

Yes! That’s it!

So the “defund” in “Defund the Police” just means “Defund”?

Yes!

Prevent from continuing to receive funds?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Why didn’t you just tell me earlier?

I hate you.

Huh?

Defund deez nuts.