Missouri Governor Says He’ll Pardon Couple Who Pointed Guns at Protesters Because, of Course, He Will

In a move shocking absolutely no one, Missouri’s Republican governor has said he would “most certainly” pardon the bootleg Bonnie and Clyde seen pointing guns at protesters over the summer.

The Hill reports Gov. Michael Parson told reporters on Wednesday that he “most certainly would” pardon Mark and Patricia McCloskey should they face conviction. On Tuesday, a grand jury indicted the couple on counts of exhibiting a weapon and tampering with evidence. “We’ll let it play out and see how this all comes out in the courts, but I stand by what I said,” Parsons told reporters. Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner filed the charges against the couple because she believed the guns could’ve caused serious harm during what was a peaceful event, according to the Associated Press.

Parson’s remarks are far from surprising, as he was ready to pardon the McCloskeys as soon as he saw the off-brand Penguin posted on the lawn with his wife. The governor previously suggested he would be willing to pardon them in July when Gardner began her investigation into the couple. Parson said he believed they” did what they legally should do,” during the incident.

On June 28, a group of protesters gathered outside the home of St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson (D) after she revealed the personal information of a group of activists during a live-stream. The protesters were there to call for her resignation. It was a peaceful event, at least until the McCloskey’s showed their asses.

As protesters were walking home, the couple stood on the lawn of their gated home with guns and began to yell at the protesters. According to the McCloskeys, they feared for their lives, because as we all know there is nothing scarier than a group of Black people walking down a street.

Mark McCloskey has a, to put it politely, heightened interpretation of what happened. He likened the event to “the storming of the Bastille,” in an interview with KMOV.

This nigga really tried to give historical context to his fuckery.

The homeowner added that the “gate came down and a large crowd of angry, aggressive people poured through. I was terrified that we’d be murdered within seconds. Our house would be burned down, our pets would be killed.”

There are a few problems with McCloskey’s account of the incident. While he shared photos with KMOV showing his gate utterly destroyed, video of the incident showed it completely intact. Also, if hundreds of people poured through the gate, there probably would be bodies.

You’re telling me a white man with an AR-15 showed restraint? Nah, b.

President Trump has frequently spoken out in defense of the couple because, well, racists stick together, dammit. Over the summer Trump said the McCloskey’s would’ve been “beat up badly if they were lucky,” and that their home “was going to be totally ransacked and probably burned down like they tried to burn down churches.”

There’s no clear evidence to support that incredibly incendiary claim but when has that ever stopped him? Trump has also previously said that the investigation launched into the couple was a “disgrace.”

The McCloskeys spoke this summer at the Republican National Convention, with Patricia McCloskey warning, “What you saw happen to us could just as easily happen to any of you who are watching from quiet neighborhoods around our country.”

I’m still at a loss as to what exactly happened to them. They could’ve just stayed their ass inside and minded their business. Instead, they decided to be clowns, and well, Mo’Nique said it best.