Paging Dr. Hamblin: My Brother Is Having 150 People at His Wedding Next Week

Read: A very unwelcome wedding guest

The weddings themselves also need a rethinking. Ceremonies can be as large as anyone wants, though only a small number of people (possibly even zero) should be physically present. If people do gather, don’t have everyone sing. If you have a preacher or the like, have them use a microphone rather than vocally projecting. The same goes for speeches or toasts at the … reception, which isn’t a word we should probably use, either. This is a moment to totally reimagine the traditional reception. The warm summer months will make it easier to find some way to bring together a group of people outside—you could have a buffet and a picnic where people could, hypothetically, enjoy themselves while still distancing. Once things move into a bar or restaurant, though, I think all bets are off.

It’s probably too late to convince your brother of this, but he and his fiancée would do better to save the reception for later. I know a lot of people stand to lose some money by canceling events right now. If that’s the case with your brother, remember that Americans are not infrequently charged hundreds of thousands of dollars for getting a severe case of COVID-19. And that’s just from a financial toll. Once you start factoring in the cost of human life, the whole thing feels doomed.

At some point, weddings will again be enthusiastic and loud and joyous and uninhibited. Couples who just do a little ceremony now might keep a big reception in their back pocket as something to look forward to once the pandemic is over. That reception might not be for a couple of years, but it will be worth the wait. Plus, it’ll be like you get two weddings. Two best days of your life. And then you can act overtly, righteously indignant if people don’t come.

Related Podcast

Listen to James Hamblin answer listener and reader questions on Social Distance, The Atlantic’s podcast about life in the pandemic:

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“Paging Dr. Hamblin” is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. By submitting a letter, you are agreeing to let The Atlantic use it—in part or in full—and we may edit it for length and/or clarity.

James Hamblin, M.D., is a staff writer at The Atlantic. He is also a lecturer at Yale School of Public Health and author of the forthcoming book Clean: The New Science of Skin.